I demand a new law for attractive people: if you are attractive, and you are alone, and someone comes up to you and starts talking to you, and it gets past the polite conversation stage, it is your obligation to stop and say, in a truly friendly manner, “I have a boyfriend/girlfriend.” I just think that this makes sense.
Yes, it is also annoying to speak to someone at a bar or party or zoo to have them say, 45 seconds into the conversation, “I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.” But it’s even worse to talk to them for 45 minutes without knowing. 45 minutes is an exagerration. 5 minutes. 5 minutes is insane. Think about how long 5 minutes is. That gives you enough time to listen to all of “Call Me Maybe” and then blow a monkey. If you’re into that. I don’t give a fuck. Just tell me that you and the monkey are involved before it gets anywhere.
You may think this is directed towards you, and in all honesty, you are the inspiration for this, but this post has been a long time coming. I would much rather know, straightaway, if you are not single, rather than find out later and have fears even worse than dying alone: going to a party alone, the kind of party where you’re encouraged to bring a date and YOU’D RATHER DIE, YOU SAD MISERABLE SACK OF NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING nice hair though.
This post is syndicated from our very attractive and lovely friend, Apocalypstick.
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